This time, 20 years ago, the day after mum found out she was pregnant with me, I lost a part of me. A part of me was sent to a heaven, never to be found in this life-time.. & that part of me, was you, dad. You would think, or should I say, I used to think (& sometimes still do) that I would never know myself 100%, there would always be a 'strange' side to me, a side/trait I couldn't trace back to my
mum... But now I realise, though sometimes I feel lost, knowing I will never know you, the man who gave the gift of life to me, I am never alone. In my happiest hours you are there smiling, & in my darkest hours, you are there, like a whisper in my mind saying 'never give up'. Through these times, you are the first person I come to think of.
Many of times I have felt angry & envious towards those who had the opportunity of meeting you, asking 'why?', 'why can't it have been me?' ...& now, I believe strongly that it was to keep my imagination alive. Photo's are the only things, the only materials of you that I will ever have, & that is why I am very passionate about photographing. Though photo's aren't all there is of you. You live on, not only in friends & families thoughts & hearts, but through me & your son, Paul. & though in a sense I long for my time to come, to be able to finally be with you, my time here is more than precious, & I know I am here to do good in this world, to make you able to smile down on me & to make you & mama proud.
I love you papa, so much. R.I.P.
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